ON THE BOBSLED

The Observer here presents an “On the Bobsled” column by former Observer publisher Bob Pinkerton, who passed away Jan. 22. This one is a family favorite. “On the Bobsled” won many awards over the years.

I don’t know how many of you out there in readerland have ever had the occasion to take a photograph of three children at once but it’s like posing a bowl of gold fish.

Two of our children don’t understand, and the third gets a great deal of pleasure out of understanding and doing the opposite. “Smile.” She frowns. “Laugh.” She sticks out her tongue. “Stand up straight.” She’s flat on the floor. “All right, that’s all, I’m out of film.” Boy, you should see the nice pose!

At the risk of sounding like a braggart (which I am) I am going to tell about my experience at home while my wife was at the District Mrs. Nebraska contest at Hastings.

I am devoting this column to My experiences, rather than Hers, because I feel I can do my country a much greater service that way, than if I told how to hollow out an orange peel or iron a shirt in 7 minutes.

I have delved into the Problems & Trials of husband baby sitters, and this study, if clipped out and saved by all male baby sitters should prove valuable in the month to come.

This I shall call a Dissertation Upon Neglected Male Baby Sitters. I have gained some top-notch experience during the last few days while my wife spent a homemaker’s holiday at Hastings.

I have outlined this study with Do’s and Don’t’s. And remember, do what I didn’t do, and don’t do what I did. In other world, “Do as I say, Don’t Do as I Do!”

First, do everything possible to keep your wife at home. If everything else fails, and you are left holding the kids, then:

– Do show the kids who is boss, right off the bat. Don’t let them get the upper hand, because they’ll never relinquish it! You might start off with a spanking, for no reason, to put them in their place.

– Don’t drop bottles of formula on floors. They break.

– Don’t put salt on cereal instead of sugar. Children prefer sugar 2 to 1.

– Don’t fail to put enough water in the egg poacher. Otherwise it boils out and you have burned egg. Youngsters hate burned eggs, 3-0.

– Don’t fill the kitchen sink with water and dishes before you leave for work in the morning and leave the faucet trickling. Don’t, unless you want to scrub the kitchen floor, the drainboard, the utility room floor, etc.

– Don’t forget to answer RSVP’s that come in the mail, because you miss more parties that way.

Well, there’s some Helpful Hints for Husbands in Homemaking. And before you say anything, every Don’t listed, I Did!